1. The first really stupid thing I can remember is trying to get the neighbor boy to like me (when I was about 4). I hated dirt, bugs, and green animals in general; however, I followed him to the creek and carried a frog home to mom. I squeezed it so hard, so it wouldn’t run away, that its guts came out. Adorable from the beginning of time, right?
2. My sister and I used to blow up water balloons and put them in our bra. Then take pictures. I really hope those never got developed.
3. I wore glitter…on my cheeks. With white eyeliner. And pigtails. In school picture. Need I say more?
4. I signed my middle school yearbook, “Ashley Carter” — because I truly thought I was going to marry Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys.
5. I would eat an entire bag of chips because someone told me that you could make wishes on the chips that were folded in half, touching. In turn, I got really fat.
6. After the first time I started my period, I didn’t have it the month after. I thought I was pregnant. Never kissed a boy. Never had sex. Never watched American Pie. But I did remember learning in health class that when you pregnant you didn’t have your period. We need a better sex education system as I later learned that active girls are often irregular. Education epic fail.
7. In high school, I drove a huge Astro Gladitar van. Big Blue. And I had no sense of how large and in charge this thing was. I backed into 4 people in the school parking lot and slammed into a car on the bridge during after school traffic. I only changed the oil once or twice. In two years. Not kidding.
8. One night, I was at my best friend Kyle Emenhiser’s house and I was looking down into his creek. The tree branch I was leaning on broke and I fell down into the creek. I was screaming and yelling for help. Finally, someone yelled, “JUST STAND UP!” So I did. It was 3 inch deep creek and I thought I was drowning. Mike Tester helped me climb out of the ten foot drop. Then I got back up and did a canoe ball jump back in. Beer may or may not have been invovled. Sorry Kyle.
9. When I was six, I cried, begged, and screamed for my mom to cut my hair into a mullet. A hardcore mullet. She did it.
10. I voted for Obama.
11. I gave my sister my favorite shirt when we were teenagers if she promised not to tell me that I accidently made her black out while we were wrestling.
12. I jumped down our flight of stairs at home because I thought I saw an alien in our window. It was really a Santa Claus sticker. Don’t ask.
13. We were playing hide-and-seek in the dark when I was a teenager. My friend and I climbed up the pipes on the church next door and hid on the roof. It was a great hiding place until a cop came and demanded we jump down immediately. He thought we were doing drugs. I thought I was going to crap myself, but I jumped down like spider man.
14. I was registered on hotornot.com. Super epic fail.
15. I thought Burger King’s Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwhich with extra mayo was a really healthy meal.
16. Danny and Syrus from the Real World came into Scotty’s Brewhouse when I was hosting one day. Syrus asked me he should order. I said, “You like chicken, don’t you?” With all my innocent heart I was unaware of the racial stereotype and I personally love chicken. He took my advice and ordered the BBQ Ranch Chicken Salad.
17. On New Years Eve at Stephanie Lithicum’s house, I kept falling down the stairs. On purpose. I still don’t know why I acted like my body was laundry basket.
18. I started drinking. That was the begininng of a lot of stupid things.
19. “Sooo you like horses?” — only a few girls on the track team will get this one…
20. “If you are smart, you will know where to find me.” — again only a few people will understand this one….
21. I put eggs in peanut butter fudge. Don’t eggs go in everything when cooking? Guess scrambled egg peanut butter fudge was a bad life choice.
22. These kids were fighting over a what to shake to get. So I asked them, “Do guys just want a chocolate shit!” …I was trying to say “Chocolate SPLIT” …you say shit around young boys and watch them point and tell their parents you just said a bad word.
23. I worked out in really short shorts at one point in my life. Why? So embrassing.
24. I pulled out a tampon instead of a pen to take a table’s order.
25. I just told everyone some of my most embarassing life moments. Oh well, hopefully you laughed a few times. 🙂