The Ticking Clock

Tonight I shared a lot of laughs with my mom and sister, Cierra. We watched homemade videos full of birthday parties, tight purple jeans, side ponytails, and big/wild hair.

Looking back, I don’t even remember that part of my life. Those videos serve as a travel back in time. I am lucky for that.

Growing up, I always wanted to grow up. I always wanted to sit at the grown up table at Thanksgiving. I always wanted “grown up” gifts. And I got REALLY mad when a waitress would bring my crayons and a coloring mat for dinner. Couldn’t she tell that was just way too childish for me?!

I should have taken advantage of being a kid. Of not having a care in the world. Of loving every minute of my life. Shower or no shower, I was happy. Usually no showering, because that meant I could stay at longer and play with my friends. Life was good.

The worst part is seeing my younger siblings and wishing I was a larger part of their life. I can’t believe how fast they have grown up. We watched Cierras 2nd birthday and now her next bday she will turn 18. I just can’t even believe that…We watched Devin’s first bath and he is going into high school next year.

I love them so much.

It makes my heart hurt to think I chose partying with my friends over spending time with my family. I guess you live and learn and that is what makes us who we are today. I just hope they always know how much I love them and how much I want them to succeed. I want them to know life is never easy and people are mean. You have to love yourself first. I’m not the best example of loving yourself first, but I am striving to be that person. I want them to know they turn to me for anything, even if that means waking up in the middle of the night to cry during a hard break up. Boys lie and so do girls, so be careful with you give your heart too. But love all and be loved. I will always be proud of you and who you become. I will always, always cherish all of our laughs and look forward more memories in the future.

Moral of the story, choose your time wisely. Invest your time in things that you can look back upon and really smile about, even if that means staying at home with your family to make homemade videos.

The ticking clock will not slow down.

Much love,
Ashley

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