As most of you know from reading my previous blog, Justin and I had our first session of premartial counseling on Sunday.
I didn’t include a lot of details about the counseling because I didn’t want to have two important stories in one blog. They both needed their own beginning and their own ending.
Justin and I walked out of church holding hands and laughing. We looked like high schoolers probably. We roamed around the church, secretly trying to keep me away from the other church members because we could only imagine what they would say about my loud mouth.
He showed me the youth room, which is where him and the groomsmen will stay until the ceremony begins on May 15, 2010. The date just seems so perfect. So right. It feels so natural falling off my tongue. I can’t wait; 102 more days.
We finally met up with Pastor B and agreed that lunch at El Rodeo seemed like a perfect way to begin our counseling. Once we arrived, we talked small talk about football, school, work, and life in general.
He started by asking about my family life and how he grew up, which was vastly different from Justin.
I come from a large family and I am the oldest of six children (full, half, and step sisters/brothers). Divorce is a part of my life and since it happened at such a young age, I’m used to it.
Justin is the exact opposite. He is the only child and his parents have been together since middle school.
After taking up a page to write down my family information, he asked Justin a question that is hard to answer. Because love isn’t always something you can explain, rather something you feel. But as part of the process, he asked the question anyway.
“So, Justin,” Pastor B said. “Here comes the question: Why do you love her? Why is she the one?”
Justin looked at me smiled and then looked back at Pastor B, staring him straight into the eyes.
“Oh wow,” Justin said. “Just one thing. There is a whole list of reasons. Well to start out with, she is my best friend. She knows how to hang with the guys and also how to act,” he paused.
Like a lady? I thought. Not usually. So I laughed.
“I can sometimes act classy,” I added for him.
We both laughed.
“I guess more than anything,” Justin said. “I think about the night that we first met.”
Oh crap, I thought. Don’t tell Pastor B that we met playing beer bong and both of us were drinking. Well that is the truth, I reminded myself. So be it. Let him run with it.
“The night that we first met, it felt like we had already known each other,” Justin said. “It was like we were just reconnecting and I’d known her my whole life.”
My throat choked up and my eyes got heavy.
I looked over and his eyes were glowing in the sun. They were watery.
“You are going to make me cry,” I said.
And so I did. They poured out. It was true, though. Justin and I dated for like a week before we made it official. We never went on a date before making our relationship official. I just always went over to his dorm room and we hung out before I went to work at Scottys. We took pictures being goofy and listened to music. Sometimes he was studying and I would just look at him with his glasses on thinking how handsome he looked.
One day, probably day three of knowing each other, we were watching TV and I fell asleep in his arms. I remember having a dream that I married him. I just remember seeing flashes of him dancing at a reception. He was smiling so big and carrying around a big beer mug. He was dancing and giving me kisses every chance he got.
I woke up and he was still sleeping. I couldn’t be creepy and tell him that I loved him after four days, could I? Um no, so I held that one in.
But it was ironic to learn months later that when he called his dad to tell him about me, he said, “Dad, I found my future wife.”
We just knew. After a few days. We just knew that we found the person we would spend the rest of our life with and I couldn’t be happier.
“Your turn, Ashley,” Pastor B said.
With tears in my eyes and a cracky voice, I said, “Wow, I can’t even stop crying. I love you so much, Justin. For me, I wouldn’t be who I am today without Justin in my life. He has provided me with the stability I’ve needed in my life all along. I probably wouldn’t even be graduating now because before Justin I kept changing my major every other day. He always pushes me to be my best. I mean, he could have given up on me so many times because of the way I treated him sometimes. I have a rocky past with relationships and its hard for me to trust people and he never gave up on me. He was always there for me. I am so lucky that he never gave up on me…” I said.
Its true. Being cheated on does something to your mind that is uncontrollable. Justin couldn’t even have a friend that was a girl without me thinking she was trying to get in his pants. We talked about it and we cried about. He didn’t understand why I didn’t trust him, but I couldn’t explain to him that I did trust him, just not the other girls. Because if I did trust him, I wouldn’t worry about the skanks coming onto him because he would just push them away. Through it all, he loved me enough to stand by my side even when he thought I would never change. Or maybe he knew I would change, but just didn’t know when that day would come.
“So Ashley, do you trust Justin now?” Pastor B said.
I looked over at him and smiled. Tears filled both of our eyes.
As one small tear streamed down my face I said, “With all my heart. I trust him with all my heart.”
He has waited our entire relationship to hear those words. I’m so happy I can finally say those words and mean them. And know that he trusts those words are genuine.
I can’t wait to see him on our wedding day. Down at the other end of the isle. I’ll have my daddy wrapped around one arm and my other hand will be free to hold his when I arrive by his side.