The majority of people who know me and my chihuahua personality would rather swim with sharks than be near me with a hand gun. Folks I have comforting news: I am a certified bad ass with a hand gun now.
Justin got a gun “for me” with his tax return, so “we” have a total of two now. He got a free pass to a shooting range when he purchased the gun and the poor guy could hardly wait to practice out “my new gun.” We all really know who the gun was for, right? I love him.
One of his best friends came with us and I forced both of them to take me to Starbucks before the shooting range.
“Your total is $4.76,” the lady said.
“ASHLEY- $4.76, my damn jug of Folgers coffee is less than that! I can’t believe how much money you spend here!” Justin said.
What can I say? Starbucks is recovering from their profit downfall because of Tiffany Holbert and myself spending money of Iced Carmel drinks! 🙂
Jason was more in shock that I liked cold coffee. He told me that he would let his coffee sit out for awhile and get cold for me and it’d be a lot cheaper.
Thanks, but no thanks. I am a coffee (Starbucks) addict and I have standards.
We pulled up to the shooting range and there was a line outside the front door. The place opened up at 11 a.m., but an employee was late and they couldn’t open until two employees were in the store. So they waited outside in line and I waited in the jeep to stay warm and text people. Typical.
Finally the doors opened when I stepped out of the jeep. Perfect timing. We walked in and it smelled like man. I don’t know if you can say something smells like man, but I am sure the majority of you reading understand the smell I am referring to. The walls were covered with dead animals heads– deer, buffalo, and other animals. The mannequin in the store looked so serious and so real that we all said “Hello!” when we passed by. I posted a picture of myself with him so you could see how legit the mannequin looks.
The range has six lanes and all them filled up before us, so we had to wait awhile.
Of course, my ADD kicked in and I was bored within five minutes.
“I should have brought my homework Justin,” I said. “Especially if I just have to wait and stand around and look at dead animals on the wall for an hour.”
The owner must have heard me because he threw in his two cents and said, “Well there is a flea market next door.”
“Ohh no,” I said. “That’s okay. I am just a typical girl and I suffer from ADD. I am fine”
Why wouldn’t he hear me? My voice only carries half way across the state when I talk.
“Do you think he hates me, Justin?” I asked. “I was just kidding.”
Well, I was just trying to be funny. Just shoot me.
When it was our turn, I walked in first and inhaled the fresh air of gun powder and smoke. The initial first few shots made me jump and forced my eyes closed. A couple of the guys were die hard and one guy slightly scared me. He was pretty serious about life and I didn’t even get any sort of facial expression out of him when I smiled and said hello.
We had goggles on and ear plugs like Lady GaGa style on. For the first fifteen minutes, my ears were itching. I kept thinking about how pissed off I would be if I got scabies again. Or even worse, lice. And the more you think about it, the more you itch. So I looked like I was the one who had lice and people were probably thinking, “Don’t give me that girls ear plugs.”
Finally, it was my turn to shoot the gun.
“Your turn, Ash,” Justin said.
“Um, no- make Jason go,” I said.
“No, you come up here and do this,” Justin said. “I got this gun for you so you need to practice.”
Oh, how silly of me to forget that you got this gun for me.
I stepped up and posed myself like Will Smith in Men in Black. I don’t watch many action movies — so that’s all I got. And I know I wasn’t as hardcore as the guys in Boondocks Saints. So Will Smith it is. Plus, I don’t like aliens. Even more fitting.
I hit the target pretty well and got some good shots in the chest. At first I was a little shaky, but by the end I just knew it was my turn and stepped up with confidence.
After I was done and turned around, Jason looked at me and said, “Well, I am impressed! You are a bad ass!”
When we were walking out I said, “Guys, I did really good, huh?”
“Oh yeah you did,” Jason said. “I’m scared of you now. Well, if you have a gun!”
“Yeah babe, I am proud of you,” Justin said. “And I can never cheat on you now that I taught you how to shot a gun!”
Well, at least he knows.