I walked into the gas station and my stomach instantly started growling.
My eyes were glued to the spinning hotdogs. I watched them take each lap and the smell reminded me of a ball park.
I pictured myself raising my hand and the gas station clerk suddenly turned into a ball park man, yelling at me, “HOTDOGS! FRESH HOTDOGS – TWO FOR TWO DOLLARS!”
In my daydream still, he raised his arm in the air and tossed two hotdogs my way. I was about to yell back in my daydream that I wanted chili, cheese and onions too. Maybe a mustard packet.
“Ashley, do you want to get anything,” Toni said – interrupting my day dream.
“Yeah I want to get a lot of things,” I said. “I am starving. I basically ate a bed of lettuce with grilled chicken every day. I want those hotdogs and that lunchable and even that popcorn, which Lord knows how long it’s been sitting there. But I want it all.”
The carbqueen was having a breakdown. A big one. In the middle of a gas station on a Friday afternoon.
“Maybe I’ll just have some nuts or something,” I said with a pathetic tone.
“Well you aren’t supposed to have nuts for the first 17 days,” Toni said.
“WHAT?! No nuts? I’ve definitely been eating those!” I said back.
“Well, didn’t you read the book?” Toni asked.
“Ummmm no- I thought it was simple enough – lean protein, no carbs, no jucies, no sugar. Doesn’t that pretty much wipe out everything on the face of earth except for grilled chicken?” I said being overly dramatic.
“Oh Ash- you really need to read the book,” Toni said. “You aren’t supposed to eat nuts or beans during the 17 days. You also can’t eat fruit after 2 p.m. No juice…I mean there is just so much stuff.”
“GET REAL- I haven’t been doing this right the whole time?” I said back- still dreaming of the hotdogs.
We got back to Decatur and helped Amanda decorate the hall for her wedding.
The whole time I was day dreaming about food.
The center pieces were turning into slices of pizza.
The flowers were turning into cake balls.
The cheesey potatoes cooking in the oven made me want to rip open the door and start digging my hands inside the cheesey goodness. I wanted nothing more than a spoon- just to sample them. Or a small bowl. Or the whole pan. You see where this is going. I was a mess.
After decorating the hall, we drove around for 20 minutes thinking of places to eat. Literally, we just kept driving up and down 13th street.
We could eat Mexican food, but how could I refuse those chips?
We could eat McDonalds, but how could I refuse the cheeseburgers and ranch dressing?
We could eat at pizza hut, but how can I stop myself from breaking into the kitchen and eating every slice of pizza readily available?
Eventually, we picked up Justin and went to Two Brothers for a salad. A grilled chicken salad. How familiar.
But what happened the next day was amazing. No cheesey potatoes at the wedding. No bun for the BBQ pork. I felt like a different person – with willpower.
But I did drink some beer. And by some beer, I mean I celebrate pretty hard. And I drank champagne or wine – whatever was left on the wedding parties table.
On Sunday, I finally had bread when I had a grilled chicken sandwich (the famous Henny Penny) from Arnolds. BUT I said NO to the breaded cauliflower that Toni ordered. And I didn’t order a bacon cheeseburger like my inner fat kid desired so badly.
And I only had ONE FRY from Justin.
Do you understand what I am saying? I am saying I am aware of what is going into my body. I am saying that I am making changes to make healthier decision and still have fun and still eat what I enjoy on occasion. I am proud.
On Monday, I went to Mo’s Irish Pub with my former Scotty’s Brewhouse co-workers. Let me tell you how AMAZING their garlic cheese fries are …and I could go on for days about how much I LOVE this grilled cheese sandwich stuffed with applewood smoked bacon, avocado and tomatoes. Seriously – it makes me want to cry tears of happiness when I picture myself eating it.
But instead- I ordered boiled tilapia – with a double order of steamed veggies – and a side salad (no croutons or cheese).
So my co-worker was correct the other day. Diets never work (especially when you don’t do them right from the beginning). But lifestyle changes will work- with time. Yes, I will eat pizza again in this lifetime. I’m sure I’ll have another egg roll before I die. I can guarantee you that I’ll eat sushi for the rest of my life. And I will probably tell my husband to check out some girls’ skanky dress and then sneak a bite of his cheesey potatoes when he isn’t looking at his plate. I’ll tell him she sat down fast or something. If he looks again, I’ll take another bite and then ask if he broke his neck.
But I do know this:
I feel better when I run.
I feel better when I try on my clothes.
I feel better when I think about my weight loss goals and objectives.
And more importantly – I feel happy and proud when I make healthy decisions about food.
I lost 3 lbs last week, which might seem low to you; however, I have been struggling to lose these 3 lbs since February.
My good friend Megan reminded me to be proud of myself – no matter what the scale says – and I am thankful that she said that – because I agree.
But by golly, I’ll be one happy camper when I see a number less than 220 on that scale. Who knows – that might even be next week?