Welcome Back

I was in a Charlotte Russe fitting room last month when I first realized my curves were starting to come back.

Pretending like I have a Kim Kardashian booty.

It was such a rewarding moment because just 7 short months ago, I remember curling up in a ball and crying in a Victoria Secret fitting room.

I was 238 lbs that day. Give or take, the pretzel with cream cheese & Diet Coke I had just before going into the store might have pushed me up to 240 at that moment. Nothing to be proud of though…

My jeans were so tight…they barely buttoned. They were a size 16.

My stomach looked like a cellulite mosh-pit.

I could hardly look at myself….

I sat on the bench and wrapped my legs up to my chest and cried. The silent cry. The one that makes you look really ugly and your mouth is slightly open because you are hoping no one will hear you weeping.  Kind of like this….

I Googled “Ugly Cry” and this picture came up 200ish times

“Everything OK in there?” the sales woman asked me.

“NOOOOO EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY! I AM A WHALE AND NONE OF YOU BRAS FIT ME! LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET THE FAT KID BRAS IN. But thank you for asking!” No, I didn’t say that. But that’s how I felt…and that’s what I said in my head before responding.

I wipped my eyes and did what I do best…put on a happy face and pretended everything was fine.

“I’m good, thanks!” I said faintly.

And let’s be real…when am I ever faint or quiet? I was a mess that day. But it was a life changing moment for me. It was one of those moments where your life stops and you focus in on where you are…and where you want to be…and how you can get there. To be honest, that moment is the defining moment for my weight loss journey. As I looked in the mirror, I told myself it was time to take action. I wasn’t going to live in this body anymore.

I never wanted to see 238 on the scale ever again.

And I haven’t….

As of this morning, I weigh 220 lbs and wear a size 12 dress and 14 pant size. My goal is 205 lbs and 12 paint size (10 dress!!!!) by my 25th birthday on 11-11-11. I can do it!!! 🙂

Rocking my running clothes proudly tonight.

And my curves are coming back…..no more crying in the fitting room.

Much love,
Ashley

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