I honestly looked like a drug addict, hiding in the corner from my husband. My drug of choice? Lays Potato Chips, the crinkle kind. I escaped for the pantry a few times, only to dunk some chips in ketchup. My mind was blank as I shoveled food into my mouth. Afterwards, all I could think about was how mad I was at myself for screwing up this poorly. Hello, my name is Ashley and I’m an emotional eater. (Welcome, Ashley).
Last Friday, I wrote about how my running and diet has sucked the past week or two. It started with a bagel. Then that turned into cheesy potatoes. Heavy carbs followed after that…
What was the damage? Nine lbs. in four days. I went from my milestone weight of 218 and within four days I was up to 227. I wanted to cry. How could I let myself go like that? I knew the answer; I was an emotional mess for a few days. The week before Mother Nature makes her visit is awful and a few other events added unwanted stress to my life. Then add on feelings of guilt… I feel so bad for my husband when my mind is racing and my mood is on constant edge. I really don’t even want to be in my own head or body during that week of hormonal rage.
Thank GOD I have a wonderful husband, who lets me be crazy and hormonal without judging me or giving up on me. I can only imagine how I will be when I am pregnant one day. I am pretty sure we should either document all of my episodes or have cameras follow us around for a reality show.
I always share my moments of joy and victory on my blog. But I think it’s equally important to share moments of downfall. It’s not always easy. It’s not always pretty. It’s not always fun. Anyone going through this kind of journey understands the battle of the scale. You have high days and low days. You days where you eat amazing foods and other days where you stuff yourself with potato chips in closet. But no matter the moment or the day, it’s all about how you rebound. How you make a comeback. How you make a decision that day (not tomorrow or next Monday) but at that moment… you make a decision to kick butt moving forward.
My comeback will involve getting back on track with a low-carb diet again and signing up for a gym membership. It was easier to workout when I had the apartment gym right now the road, but the hot weather and my knee / back injuries are making it really easy to make excuses to NOT run outside.
No more excuses.
After a long night of celebrating on Saturday night, I woke up bright and early on Sunday to get my run in. I even wore my husband’s dirty socks from the day before. Gross, I know. But I determined that is both love and dedication (to both my hubby , health and running!)
While putting my running clothes on, I looked at myself in the mirror.
So here I am. I should be proud of my hardwork this year. Yes, I have more work to do and more miles to run. But I still have a belly button. I might have gained 9 lbs in four days, but I am still on the right track to lose weight if I keep fighting to ditch my bad habits and closet binges.
I can still see progress made.
My back fat and love handles are melting away.
My stomach is getting a little smaller and my curves are looking a little better.
My pants are fitting better and I feel more confident in a swim suit.
Best of all, I have the support from my husbands, friends and family to keep me motivated. I can’t even explain how much you ALL inspire me to keep going and running (literally) toward my goals.