Three. That is the number of people that cut me off and nearly ran me off the road today. Just when I was about to get super snarky and stick my head out the window to yell Ace Ventura Pet Detective style, I saw a teenage boy on the side of the road. He was holding up a big yellow sign – dancing and smiling. I was instantly happy.
The sign said, “SMILE WITH YOUR TEETH!”
I noticed his friend across the street video recording him.
Screw it. This kid is right. Life is too short to be snarky.
SO I flashed him one of these…
|Big ol’ cheesy kindergarten smile!|
“YEAHHHHH!!!!” He yelled back.
I pointed at him and yelled back, “YEAHHHH!”
“HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!” He yelled.
“YOU TOOOOOOOO!” I said still smiley like a kindergartner.
I couldn’t stop smiling the entire way home. It made me travel back into my childhood – when I was the most awkward kid alive. At least in my neighborhood. Yes, definitely in my neighborhood. Seriously, I was tall, chubby, wore knee high socks every single day and I don’t think I could have brushed my hair to save my life. During the prime of my awkwardness, I was fully convinced (and I have school pictures to prove it)…that if you smiled with your teeth, you would get a double chin and look fat. No matter how skinny you were. But if you were fat, then it doubled your odds.
I opted for the no teeth smile, which undoubtedly makes anyone look like they just dumped their pants. Or in the case of my recent drivers license picture, smiling without teeth makes you look like an endangered, cross-eyed bald eagle that got hit in the face with a frying pan. Take a look:
|The “No Smile” Rule sucks.
And please…that zoom is awful.
When I was in fourth grade, I made up my mind that I would smile with my teeth again. Two years of horrible pictures was more than I handle. I was going to look like a fabulous. I just knew it.
|So I didn’t have a double chin. But I did have the worse haircut out of everyone in our class.
Well, there is always fifth grade…..
|At least I had a cute smile as a baby.
What happens in elementary school stays in elementary school.
Except school pictures, those come back and haunt you….
I will teach my future children to smile with their teeth the moment they are born. And I will never let them have bangs up to the ceiling on school picture day.