You Need a Vacation: Night 2

How I Almost Ruined Our Vacation

I drank enough water before bed to wake up feeling pretty good. We had a free breakfast pass (again, thank you Hilton Honors Gold status), so that was an amazing way to start my day.

Then it was off to the gym, which was surprisingly nice! 

I wasn’t in the running mood. Sometimes I feel like I could run for miles and miles, and other days I can’t even run for more than 4 minutes. Unfortunately, I was the ladder.

So, I decided to do circuit training. Quick intervals of cardio broken up by sets of abs, squats and arm exercises.

And it wouldn’t be a complete workout if I didn’t take a picture of myself in the mirror.

But it wasn’t long before I did the MOST AWFUL thing ever at the gym.


Number one, Aunt Flow is getting ready to visit so I am instantly 5+ lbs heavier!

Number two, I had drank all night.

Number three, I ate all day / night.

Weighing myself was a really bad idea. Did I mention that yet?

And when the scale said 229 lbs, I almost puked. 10 lbs.

Really? How does that even happen?

THANKFULLY Justin later weighed himself to confirm the scale was 5 lbs heavier than our scale at home.

Either way, I was so pissed off to see that number. And it showed when I came back to the room.

“What’s wrong you?” Justin asked. He could sense something was wrong.

“I did something stupid,” I said.

He was probably thinking I made out with the bell boy (joking) or spent a shit ton of money at the Macy’s down the road (not joking, I really wanted to do that).

“I weighed myself,” I admitted. I told him the dreadful number that I do not want to repeat outloud.

“Ashley, this happens every single month,” Justin said. “You get ready to start your period and then you blow up! Okay that sounded really shitty, but you know what I’m saying. I put my arms around you at The Arch and it was a literally like I was squeezing a swollen uterus. You literally gain 5 to 10 lbs and are bloated for a few days!”

(See ladies, he can be a “guy” sometimes. He is not “cute” all of the time, but I truly appreciate his honesty so much!!)

“You’re right,” I said, still a little disappointed about the number…

“So you just have to prepare yourself for that and don’t give up,” Justin said. “Because in a week or so, you’ll be back to your regular weight. But you can’t freak out. You can’t eat like shit and give up and think everything you’re doing is worthless. Because you’re doing great. Your hitting your goals. Just don’t give up.”

And with that mini pep talk, we headed off to the zoo. Penguins and elephants were certain to perk me up!

Projectile Penguins

 I was overly excited to see the penguins at the zoo. They are my absolute favorite. Next to the meerkats.

Shy Guy hiding behind the pimp cave (one penguin found a penny and brought it over to another penguin, who was hiding this cave. Thus, the pimp cave was established).

 It was morning time and apparently penguins are not morning folks. One penguin, who we will call Milo, came out of a cave and stretched his flippers in the air. Then he shook us little booty.

Justin pretended to read his mind and said, “Good morningggggg everyone!”

Then we watched as a few other penguins creeped out from the cave.

I was distracted by the booty shaking penguin, when Justin said, “Well hey – look at this little guy! I wonder what he is….OMGGG!”

Just then I looked over and saw a penguin bend over and project green poop all over the pimp cave, which Shy Guy was hiding behind. Like 10 year old boys, we couldn’t stop laughing.

The pooping penguin, who we will call Otis, looked over at us and said, “I don’t give a damn” and then walked back into his cave.

Otis was never seen again. But we talked about him and his splashing poop attack on Shy Guy once every 30 minutes until Sunday night.

We went on to see other beautiful animals, all of which reminded me of Bandit, and then we went to lunch at Fitz’s.

Homemade Root Beer!

The food was pretty good! I settled on a turkey burger (no cheese) and seafood gumbo instead of fries. That was my attempt at eating healthy.

Next up, we went back to the hotel to take a nap and watch cable TV.

No vacation is complete without a mid-afternoon nap.

Sucking Heads off Crawfish

We woke up from the nap, well Justin woke up- I spent the afternoon watching murder mysteries (bad idea, I am still having problems sleeping).

Then we had our free drink from the bar (Red Bull and Vodka to kick off our night) before walking to  Broadway Oyster Bar.

“We are completely boring for doing the same thing two nights in a row,” I said.

“No we aren’t,” Justin said. “If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it.” 

Word. Broadway Oyster Bar is in my top 3 list of favorite restaurants ever!!

We ate oysters ( again) and decided to be brave and order a bucket of steamed crawfish!!

Eating crawfish was a true adventure. I was extremely nervous one of them would still be alive…and when I  reached into the bucket, it would pinch off my finger. Thankfully, that never happened.

The biggest crawdad in the bucket and he was all mine!
Sucking the juice out of the head.
Eating crawfish isn’t exactly an attractive event.
I wouldn’t do this on a first date.
Okay, you’re right – I probably would.
You only live once, so why not eat some bottom dwellers?

After dinner, we went back to the hotel to change. I switched into my Gucci sweater (obviously) and we were off the Cigar Bar again.

Livin’ better now, Gucci sweater now!

“I am so lucky to have a sexy wife who smokes cigars and tries to drink Jameson on the rocks,” Justin said. “But you don’t have to impress me anymore. I’ll drink the rest of that if you want to.”

I pretended to be hardcore. But I didn’t know how to keep the cigar going and quickly traded my Jameson on the rocks for Justin’s beer.

We went to another bar to finish watching the basketball game, which resulted in eating hummus and pita bread and calamari, which was drenched in ranch dressing.

I NEVER thought I would see the day when I did not want to eat ranch dressing on something, but let it be known that ranch dressing and squid DO NOT go well together. Don’t try this at home kids…

Heading Home

St. Louis was the perfect weekend trip. I loved the buildings (except for The Arch pods!!!), the drinks, the FOOD (obviously), and most importantly the pooping penguin.

Until next time, St. Louis…

 Much love,

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