A Safe Word

“We need a safe word,” I told Cayla four months ago. “Something that you can say when I am super emotional or upset….but it can’t be something that will make me even more angry….”

Looking back, I’m not sure if Cayla or I choose the word “lemon” – but that’s what we picked!

Maybe it’s because lemons are sour and I shouldn’t be a sour person.

Or maybe it’s because pregnancy made me fall deeply in love with fresh lemonade!

But, either way, lemon.

That’s our safe word.

My morning started out great. I woke up with enough time to shower AND cook breakfast, which was a victory considering how I have problems sleeping these days.

Every SINGLE night I wake up between 1:30 and 3:15 am.

Every.

Night.

I usually have a nightmare…

The majority of the time someone is breaking into our house or kidnapping me.

I always grab Justin’s arm.

“Babe, did you hear that?” I ask him every night.

Usually there is nothing to be heard…

He grunts. 

Then I try to wake up Bandit and make him cuddle with me.

He wants nothing to do with me.

Neither of them do.

So, I turn on the TV.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is at 2:30.

And then TMZ’s gossip show comes on around 3.

Justin groans and tells me that I’m out of control.

And asks me to go in another room.

I refuse.

I do some Facebook stalking for about 30 minutes.

And then try to lay back down, with the glow of the TV helping me spot robbers, rapists, and kidnappers that try to enter my room. Oh, and evil spirits / ghosts, which I also hallucinate. 

Well, last night – someone drove by our house and picked up some old lawn furniture we left out for someone to grab OR the trash man to take away….

I hear the car down slam shut and then hear what sounds like an alien space ship crashing into our driveway aka the person chucked the heavy furniture into the back of the truck.

BANG!

Justin and I both wake up….and we both know, that I’m going to be up for the next hour or so.

So sleep, yeah, I’m not getting much of it these days- which probably adds to my moodiness.

Anyway, the weatherman was hilarious this morning. He made me laugh for about 20 minutes straight because he said, “And it’s just what everyone loves to hear…today is a dry hump day!”

But things happen and people say things and then I get annoyed / frustrated.

I told Cayla I was having one of those days where everyone and everything makes you upset.

Eventually, it was time for lunch and I ate my emotions (obviously, you knew that was coming).

Then, I felt the guilt sink in….I told Justin we needed to make a dinner under 400 calories. I made plans to take a walking break later in the afternoon, run 1.5 miles with Bandit, and then hit up the gym for the elliptical.

When I walked back to my desk, I found the most perfect gift.

Two lemons.

And a card.

To you, this just two lemons and a card.
To me, this a day maker.
How did Cayla know I ate my emotions at Panera today?

Everyone needs a safe word.

And wonderful friends.

Much love,
Ashley

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