The Worst Fake Baby Bump…Ever

The sun was shining.

The birds were singing.

And my shirt was riding up my stomach, so my maternity band was showing.

So I went shopping on my lunch break.

And I got VIP parking at Motherhood Maternity too.

Baby bump privileges.

I was the only person in the store. As a result, the sales clerk (who was awfully sweet) ended up stalking me.

But hey, I let the VIP service continue. The moment I took something off the hanger and placed in my hands, she was right by my side, “Let me put that in your fitting room!”

Finally, I found some goods and went into the fitting room.

“Let me know if you need anything at all!” She yelled.

I wanted to ask if she’d be willing to run down to Panera and get me a salad, but figured that’d be too much to ask.

The first sweater I tried on looked great, but I was worried the warmer weather would prevent me from getting good use out of it.

And then I tried on a dress, which was on sale for $15.

I noticed a black strap on belly. I debated if I should wear it or not, but then I thought – mise well give a try.

I strapped on the baby bump and slipped the dress over my head.

What happened next….

What I saw in the mirror….

Might make you pee your pants….

But before I could even react or say anything -the clerk comes by, “How is everything in there?! Do you need any other sizes?”

She felt so close and loud that I really thought she flipped open the curtain and was watching me.

Thankfully, she did no such a thing.

I looked in the mirror and lied, “Everything is great in here!”

You guys.
Seriously.
Is this not the worst fake bump you’ve ever seen?

MAKE IT STOP!

My real life bump is much better.
Right, guys?
RIGHT!?!!?!

I really couldn’t stop laughing.

I showed the picture to Cayla back at the office and she almost peed her pants / told me it looked like I was growing an alien.

“You clearly put it on the wrong way,” Cayla said, while crossing her legs and laughing so hard she nearly cried.

I did not get the dress AND I did not use the fake baby bump for future outfits.

I did, however, get some sweet purple leggings and long tank taps perfect for summer. 

If you call me Barney, I will punch you in the ear lobe.
Kidding.
But really…

They also gave me some awesome coupons + a free baby bottle! Holler- Baby Sieb’s first bottle!!!

Hopefully this made you laugh.

And even more so, I hope you look cuter in fake baby bumps than I do…

And don’t worry! I eventually got my salad!
BBQ chicken, black beans, corn, tortilla strips, and bbq ranch.
Thank you, Panera!!

Much love,
Ashley 

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