I Shouldn’t Have Looked

I shouldn’t have looked.

But I did.

I guess it wouldn’t matter though…because my doctor brought it to my attention anyway.

My weight.

The number on the scale.

I was doing SO good for the first five months.

Then, I started to let myself go.

Cupcakes? No problem.

Bacon? Absolutely.

Cheese? On everything please.

Mountain Dew? Yes, let’s do the dew.

Working out? Pshhh I’ll do that tomorrow.

Then you add in the past two weeks.

First, there was Chicago, which meant I was eating out and snacking on Garrett’s popcorn.

Then, there was the week of ALL day meetings and evening events (reading between the lines – I had pizza, Qdoba, and Yats for lunches followed by dinners out with my team).

I knew what was coming.

I knew the number would be high.

But not that high. I simply wasn’t ready for it.

If you’ve followed my blog, you know weight loss has ALWAYS been a popular topic. And I’ve had my ups and downs….and I’ve picked myself up countless times.

But this time -I’m growing a baby. A little tiny human. Someone who needs me to be healthy and active. Not just during pregnancy, but as a mother as well.

You want to know the number, don’t you?

I thought about not telling you, honestly I did. I thought about hiding this secret all together. And maybe not even telling Justin…But writing about my feelings. Being open. Being honest. That’s how I heal. That’s how I deal.

First, I’ll tell you that I gained 11 lbs in ONE MONTH!!! That’s an average of 2.5 lbs a week. 

Barf.

Second, I’ll…tell…you….the number on the scale.

267.

YIKES!

That puts me at 29 lbs gained for this pregnancy. And remember how my goal for the ENTIRE pregnancy was to gain between 25 and 30 lbs?

Oops. 

The doctor measured my belly and asked how I was feeling.

She found little Cooper’s heartbeat, which makes my heart so happy every time, and said, “You’ve got a happy baby in there!”

I was so happy to hear that his heartbeat is great + he is moving around + loving life.

My placenta is in the front, which makes it really hard for Justin (and sometimes me) to feel him moving around. Sometimes I get worried, but then he will kick me …that’s his way of telling me to calm down. Everything is fine.

“Well, my darling, your blood pressure is great, but..”

I could have finished the sentence for her. I had be sitting in the exam room the whole time. Starring straight at the ceiling. Fidgeting all over the place. Analyzing everything I’d eaten over the last month.

“It looks like you have a spike in your weight,” she said.

I came clean about everything.

Admitted to my poor diet and exercise habits.

She was pleased that I was honest. She said some woman just act like they’re in denial and say, “I have no clue how that happened!”

“Well the good news is you know what happened,” she said. “And you have the tools and resources to bring things back on track. I don’t want you to lose weight at all. But just try to exercise again and have a healthier diet. Let’s try to see you gain under one pound each week.”

So instead of feeling sorry for myself and stopping by Flying Cupcake, I drove my happy butt to Whole Foods. I was supposed to get free lunch at work (Fazoli’s aka carbs, carbs, and MORE carbs) – but I turned it down. Yes, that’s right. I turned it down.

IF I TURN DOWN FREE FOOD THAT IS A BIG DEAL!

I went to the salad bar and created the most amazing salad I’ve had in months. I stayed away from the bacon, eggs, cheese, and ranch dressing – which are my usual salad toppings of choice. Instead, I loaded up on mixed greens, quinoa, wild rice (don’t ask – it sounded good and WAS good), pumpkin seeds, yellow squash, grilled chicken, and just a few croutons. For my dressing, I sprinkled on some olive oil then purchased some pesto, which I added later!

Bam. Nailed it.

It was AMAZING!

I also picked up some fresh green beans (my current favorite veggie) and just a little bit of the organic mac and cheese (just a little bit though…and the fact it was organic + not very cheesy made me feel better about life).

Perfect combination if you ask me.

I even had some leftovers.

See Ashley, eating healthy CAN be satisfying and fill you up.

I’m not being hard on myself. Some people might comment that I’m pregnant and shouldn’t worry about this…but the reality is, when the doctor tells you (in polite terms) to get your shit together and eat better and exercise more, you need to do it.
 
So, here goes nothing. We’ve got about 11 weeks left (ummm that seems so short). I’ve got this…I know exactly what I need to do to maintain my weight better and stay active.

Much love,
Ashley

6 thoughts on “I Shouldn’t Have Looked

  1. Sara says:

    Great blog, Ashely. I had a similar thing (minus the whole pregnant part) last week – dinner sampling of Firehouse Subs sandwiches, an Indians game, STRAWBERRY FEST, a failed dinner attempt that turned into dinner out, and on top of it all I was so busy with work that there was absolutely no way I was making it to yoga classes or even attempting to exercise at home.

    It has helped me not to think about food as good or bad, but finding comfort food that really comforts me. Comfort food shouldn't make you feel bad afterwards (aka the Favoli's carbs) but you should feel good eating it. So when you go to Whole Foods, consider that you're comforting your soul, and not just your belly. Also, everything in moderation, right? Hope all is well with you and your pregnant self otherwise 😉 – Sara C

  2. Ashley Marie says:

    You're wonderful, Sara! Thank you so much the support and encouragement…How do you like yoga!? Do any pregnant woman ever attend your class? I've been tempted to try it out, but never wanted to go alone!

    I absolutely LOVE that idea of finding comfort food that comforts you! With my history with eating disorders / weight loss battles, I've always seen food as an enemy. Having a healthy outlook that food is your friend + comfort food can be something like a salad or fresh berries, is great!

    I'm also a firm believer in everything in moderation. I don't want to give up so much that I go absolutely crazy or resort to old ways.

    Otherwise, pregnancy is wonderful + I'm excited for summer (oddly enough). Would love to catch up sometime soon! xoxo!

  3. Vicki Vardaman says:

    Panera Bread! I love the Asian Chicken Salad, and the dressing is so good and low-fat! All their salads are awesome, but that Asian…plus has almonds & Chinese noodles for crunch. Just get an apple as your side instead of a bagette.

  4. Anonymous says:

    The only time I've ever done yoga was when I was pregnant, and I loved it! I had to stop doing some of my favorite activities for the safety of my Bean, and I picked up yoga as an alternative. With all that extra relaxin, I was more flexible than I've ever been in my life, and it was a good way to turn off the extra hormonal, neurotic, pregnancy brain for 30-60 minutes. I did the yoga place on 116th street, and the ladies there were super nice.

    Also, I just want you to know that you blogging is not only good for you, but good for others. Your words often make me laugh and give me a pick-me-up. I even used your Boston Marathon blog as the main part of my staff devotion for school (and for my students actually!), and everyone was truly appreciative. Your words and happy spirit are wonderful things. Your little Cooper will no doubt inherit this amazing attitude from you as he grows!

    Blessings to you in these last 11 weeks!

    – Candace

  5. Ashley Marie says:

    Candace – This truly made me tear up! Thank you so much! I'll definitely look into the yoga place near 116th. The YMCA offers a few classes (not sure if they are free or what) and I've been thinking about starting there…just to get my feet wet. I might just go alone – I'm sure yoga people are friendly! 🙂

    Again, this was such a sweet comment and made my heart so happy. I LOVE that you shared the Boston Marathon blog post with your staff + students…means a lot to me! Have a great day! xoxo!

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