8 Things I Thought I’d Never Do Again After Labor

After giving birth to Cooper, I can officially say that labor and delivery was one of the most amazing and incredible experiences of my life. You can read Cooper’s birth story here (but make sure you come back to finish reading this post).

Cooper 1

Yes, I was that SUPER lucky woman who had 4 hour labor (from water breaking to pushing). But I think labor was a beautiful experience. I mean, I already want to be pregnant again. Call me crazy or the next Duggar mom. I won’t be offended.

Teach me how to duggar

Now, I never took any birth classes and the only baby books I read were written by Jenny McCarthy or other hilarious women. So I guess I wasn’t 100% prepared for labor, which I suppose was part of my strategy. I didn’t want to overplan or panic over the million different scenarios that can take place during labor and delivery.  I just went in with an open mind and figured the doctor and nurses would coach me through everything. I mean, people have babies in elevators and cars…and some women  live in the jungle and have babies in bushes. Logical thinking, right? Either way,  I figured I would be just fine reading my hilarious baby books and asking friends about their personal experiences.

As much as I loved everything and had one of the shortest labors  in the history of ever, I can honestly and openly tell you that this is how I felt hours later:

amy poehler gif

I take that back, I felt like this:

new-girl-winston-quotes-13

But really- tearing occurs.

Blood is lost.

And your body is pushed to new limits.

So while it’s all beautiful and amazing, labor is (obviously) painful. Even though I was on the fence about getting an epidural or not, it only took 20 minutes after my water breaking to know I was getting one!

“I AM GETTING A (explicit word) EPIDURAL!”  is exactly what I screamed to my coworker, Chad, after a large contraction on the car ride home.

I had a “walking epidural” – basically I told them I just wanted something to take off the edge, but still wanted to feel the contractions so I knew when to push. I was able to walk to use the bathroom about 2 hours after having Cooper, but it took the nurse holding me up AND helping me use the restroom. Bless her soul. About this time, I realized that having a baby would change my life in ways I never even imagined….and that’s when I started making the list of 8 things I thought I’d never do again after labor.

Disclaimer: Some of this information is personal and detailed, so read at your own will.

cameron-thats-messed-up-modern-family

1) Go number 2. Yes, I’m leading this off this list talking about poo. But I’ve got to be honest with you, the thought of pooping literally terrified me. TERRIFIED. All of the pressure and stitches…yikes! Forget packing all of the cute outfits for your baby, make sure you have stool softeners on hand!

kristen-wiig-wrong

2) Ride a bike. Or do squats, jumping jacks, leg kicks, or any other exercise that involved using my core muscles and leg movement.

new girl terrible idea

3) Wear regular underwear. After you have your amazing, beautiful bundle of joy – the hospital will give you these incredible mesh underwear. I have no words to describe the comfort of these underwear. Don’t even bother bringing your own underwear. #1 – You’ll destroy them from all the bleeding. #2 – They might not fit. #3 Mesh underwear will change your world. I actually wore my last pair (yup, I took a stash from the hospital) a few weeks ago when I hit rock bottom and had minimal clean clothes left. It’s fine. Trust me, you have more important things going on in life. Justin tried to judge me and this is what I told him:

bridesmaids-movie-quotes-58

4) Run. About three years ago, I fell in love with running. I’ve done 5ks, half marathons, and even two full marathon relays. But after having Cooper, I couldn’t imagine running a race ever again. I could barely walk to the bathroom, let alone run 13.1 miles!

running horiztonally

5) Pee without using a squirt bottle. After you have a baby, they give you a water bottle to spray down below instead of using toilet paper. IT IS AMAZING. Thankfully, the squirt bottle is in retirement now, but really…don’t leave home without the squirt bottle for at least six weeks.

whats happening gif bridesmaids

6) Wear a tampon. I don’t think I need to elaborate more on this one.

new girl funny face

7) Have sex. I mean, forget the risk of getting pregnant again (you guys know I loved being pregnant), I was just worried about the PAIN! It honestly took me a hot minute to say this:

new girl

8) Get off the couch without grunting. Or use any ab strength to do absolutely anything at all.

you better watch yourself

But have no fear guys, everything gets better (and heals) with time! I’m now doing everything on the above list! And I’m slowly, slowly getting my body back! I’m down 40 lbs…just 10 more to go until pre-pregnancy weight.

before and after

So I basically feel like doing this all day:

parks and rec dancing gif

Just kidding, I just want to sleep.

new-girl-jess-zooey-quotes-sleep

Now it’s your turn to share! What is something you never thought you could do again after labor? Remember, this is a judgement free zone.

Much love,

Ashley

3 thoughts on “8 Things I Thought I’d Never Do Again After Labor

  1. Kortney Flickinger says:

    You nailed it. Could not have Said anything better! You are doing great! I love to read all of your blogs and of course look at sweet pictures of baby coop!

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