A Letter to My Son: Month 5

Dear Cooper,

Can you believe that I’ve known you since you were a five week old embryo?

Your father and I first visited the doctors office, eager to confirm our exciting news. Was I officially pregnant?

week 4

When I saw you on the big screen at our ultrasound appointment, you were a little teenie tiny spec.

At first, they were worried I could be losing you, so they made me do blood work two days in a row. The doctor wanted to make sure my hormones were increasing to confirm my body was still helping you grow.

Thankfully, we heard positive news a few days later.

You were there.

You were growing.

And we were over the moon.

Keeping the secret about you was so difficult, so I couldn’t wait to share the news with the world after the 8 week check-up. You were the cutest fetus that I’ve ever seen:

ultra 1

Why are you so cute?

8 weeks pregnant

8 weeks pregnant

Some days Every single day I find myself in complete awe of you.

I am so amazed and proud of our journey together. I’ve loved you from the very moment I knew you existed. I was ready to enjoy feeling you move, watching my belly grow, reading about your growth milestones, and eventually meeting you.

Such a happy baby from the moment you entered this world.

Such a happy baby from the moment you entered this world.

cooper in blanket

All bundled up at home.

I can honestly say that I had NO clue what to expect when you were born. I didn’t know how motherhood would change me. I didn’t know that I’d somehow function off 30 minutes of sleep or less.

I didn’t know that I’d master changing a diaper without you peeing all over the walls (it’s happened a few times – once you got it in your eye!!), giving you a bath without getting soap in your eyes (you love bath time), clipping your finger nails (without having a panic attack), and cleaning a poopy diaper (with under 3-4 wipes). I find myself getting proud of these small accomplishments in motherhood.

At other times, I find it easy to let social media discourage me. I don’t have adorable stickers for you and take pictures of you in the same pose, in the same chair, each week or month. I think it’s awesome that moms do this with their kiddos, I really do! In fact, I DID have stickers to take such adorable pictures – they were a gift. But I lost our stickers – or Bandit ate them? I suppose we can’t blame Bandit for everything. And your baby book…let’s not talk about how far behind I am in filling that out. Can I get credit for having good intentions and posting insane amounts of pictures of you on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram?

Some days, I just really don’t have my life together. From months four to five, you have only been sleeping for 45 minutes at time! I know they talk about the “four month sleep regression” – but every 45 minutes…just wow. I honestly don’t know I get all us ready and out the door by 7:15 am most mornings.

Hey mom, let's play!

Hey mom, let’s play!

But when I start to feel sad or discouraged, I sit back and remind myself that I’m simply doing the best I can. You are happy, healthy, and beautiful. You remind me what life is ALL about, even on the hardest and most challenging days. I’ve spent a lot of late nights with you, crying as I held you in my arms.

Sad that I only get to see you awake for 3-4 hours each day. 

In my search for an answer or positive outlook, I came to the conclusion that you wake up every 45 minutes so you can spend more seconds and minutes with me throughout the day. Or should I say evening.

Someone once told me…

“The days seem long, but the years short.”

You aren’t even one years old yet, but this quote always hits home with me. Yes, we have long days. And we have even longer nights, but I always make time to hold you close and kiss your forehead. Tell you that I love you a million times. Hug you. Squeeze you as I pull you close into my chest and enjoy the silence of the night – listening for your little whimpers and breaths.

One day, you’ll sleep through the night.

Until then, I’ll roll into work looking like a zombie. I’ll drink insane amounts of coffee so I can compose myself and gather some energy to smile as I think about the blessing of having you in my life.

Thank you for teaching me that anything is possible when you love someone to the core of your soul. You’re my little best friend. My littlest partner in crime. And here are a few of my favorite moments and adventures from the last month:

You tried cereal for the first time – and absolutely hated it!

first time eating cereal

Before

After

After

You took your first selfie! I’m so proud.

Coop selfie

You started to find your voice and tell me more stories, which always make my morning much more enjoyable and fun!

cooper getting ready

“And then you’ll never believe what Bandit said…”

We had your visit to Riley Children’s Hospital to have your head flatness checked out by the neurosurgeon! She seemed positive about your prognosis and gave us positional therapy and tummy time orders. You have a follow-up appointment in late-March, but I can already see positive changes.

cooper at riley

What do you mean, “You forgot the snacks!?”

You enjoyed your first Super Bowl party!

first super bowl

Or should I say Sieber Bowl!?

You started grabbing the book and helping turn the pages during our evening storytime!

reading books

I just can’t handle all your cuteness…

You were an awesome co-worker on snowy days that had me working from home!

"Your job is boring mom. I'm out. Nap time!"

“Your job is boring mom. I’m out. Nap time!”

You made the cutest smirk in the world when I told you that you won the Gold Medal for Baby High Bouncing!

Bouncing should be an Olympic sport.

Bouncing should be an Olympic sport.

You continue to melt my heart with the biggest smile in the world when I pick you up from daycare. I find myself smiling bigger and bigger with each road I pass and intersection I drive through…I’m getting closer to you and that big, contagious smile!

"Mom is home - everyone get on her lap!"

“Mom is home – everyone get on her lap!”

You reminded me how quickly you’ve grown when I found this tiny sock in the couch, which you used to wear as a newborn!

Smallest sock in the history of ever.

Smallest sock in the history of ever.

Life is more beautiful and fuller than ever before. I’ve loved watching you grow, learn, and find your voice over the past month together. I’m literally obsessed with you. You are the happiest, most laid-back, and short sleeping baby that I’ve ever met. But I wouldn’t change a SINGLE thing about you.

Not one little, bitty thing. Although, I would be OK with borrowing some of your eye lashes. You have the most beautiful eyes in the world!

Those eyes.

Those eyes.

I love you to the moon and back.

Much love,

Mom

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