Are You Giving Up?

“Are you giving up?” Justin asked me as we cleaned out our closet.

I was putting piles and piles of clothes into the Goodwill box.

“I’ll never fit into those skinny jeans again,” I said. “And my arms are too fat for this shirt.”

This was about two months ago.

Before I found myself again.

Before I started believing in myself.

Before I started eating cleaner and lifting weights.

“It sounds like you’re giving up,” Justin challenged me.

“I’m not giving up!” I said as I looked down at my skinny jeans.

Jeans that I haven’t wore since college.

Since I was 22 years old.

Will I ever fit into those jeans again?

I have no clue.

I’ve had a baby.

My hips are wider.

And my curves are more noticeable.

I decided to keep some of my “skinny clothes.”

Every morning, I’d get ready for work and see those clothes hanging in my closet.

A reminder that I haven’t given up.

A reminder that I am on the path to a healthier me.

A reminder to pack my workout clothes so that one day – just maybe – I’d be wearing my skinny clothes again.

But even if I never fit into those jeans or shirts again, I’ll have them to remind me that I didn’t give up.

Flash forward to last week. I ordered a few dresses from Old Navy (online, of course).

The risky part about ordering clothes online is that you can’t try them on. You have to look at the size chart and just guess. And hope they will fit you!

I ordered one of the dresses in my pre-pregnancy size.

The other dress I ordered an XL.

To my surprise, the dresses came today in the mail.

I tried on my favorite dress first.

The dress that was my pre-pregnancy dress.

To my surprise, the dress was even a little loose! So, I stepped on the scale and realized that I am ONE POUND away from my pre-pregnancy weight.

I won’t show you the pictures of the XL dress. Number one, it was too big (HIGH FIVE). And number two, it was a jean dress. I know, I know. I have no clue what I was thinking either. The dress looked FABULOUS on the model via oldnavy.com. But me? Not so much….

I’m completely shocked at how amazing my journey has been over the past two months. I’ve found so much strength and confidence within myself. I’m fallen in love with lifting and I’m a month away from my new challenge, training for a sprint triathlon.

 

Best of all? I”m eating better than ever before.

I still have mistakes. I have “bad” days. Most days, I can’t walk past the IT guy’s desk without grabbing a bite sized piece of dark chocolate.

But I don’t let one bad meal ruin my day – or even week. In the past, I would have a bad day of eating and then spiral out of control. I would find myself eating my emotions.

I’m trying to (finally) have a healthy relationship with food.

A relationship that isn’t based on emotions or pure pleasure.

Instead, I’m eating to fuel my body.

To strengthen my body.

When I was in high school, I worked out at a gym that had inspirational messages all along the walls.

One of the signs said, “Do you live to eat or eat to live?”

I read the sign about 35 times before the message really sank in.

For the longest time, I was living to eat.

I thought about every calorie, every meal, and every drink that would enter my body. Food was constantly on my mind.

But now, I eat to live.

I am so thankful that I didn’t give up a few months ago.

That I didn’t just settle.

That Justin reminded me that it’s never too late to change!

If you find yourself in a rut, I’m here to remind you that you can hit your goals!

Don’t give up.

You’re better than you realize.

You’re stronger than you think.

You’re closer than you know.

Don’t.

Give.

Up.

Much love,

Ashley