My First Mother’s Day

I’m laying in bed wearing an oversized T-shirt. My hair looks like I stuck my fingers in an electrical socket. And my house is a disaster. Toys, socks,  clothes, shoes, and pacifiers decorate my floor.

I could have cleaned before bed last night, but honestly – I was hooked on this Dateline show. Despite knowing the show about a serial killer would give me nightmares, I kept on watching it until I nearly fell asleep on the couch.

My sweet little love is finally finally finally sleeping through the night. It’s only taken him 8 months to realize how awesome sleep is…well sleeping at NIGHT I should say.

Being a mom isn’t always glamorous, especially on days when I look like this:

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But honestly, who wants to be glamorous when you can look like this all day:

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I might be wearing oversized clothes and underwear because I simply don’t have time to keep up with the laundry. I might have lion hair. And yes, I might be wearing yesterday’s makeup.

Being a mom is the best gift of my life. I honestly can’t put into enough words how much I love my son. He’s the light of my world. The balance to all of my days. And the joy of my heart.

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I never knew I would be this obsessed with motherhood. In fact, there was a period of time in my life when I even questioned having children. I wasn’t sure I was “mom material.” I would NEVER go to a wedding reception or graduation party and pick up every single baby that filled the room. I did the exact opposite actually. I would run away in fear that someone would make me change their diaper and give them a bottle! And how do you make a baby stop crying?!? Ahhhhh! Don’t leave me alone with your, child. PLEASE!

Holding a baby was traumatizing. Especially a newborn baby!!

But after marrying the love of my life and falling in love with my nephews and my close friend’s kiddos, my heart began to grow.

And pretty soon, I had the itch! I wanted to experience motherhood. There would never be a “right time” and we would never have “enough money” – so we decided to start trying for our sweet little babes!

Thanks to high school sex ed classes and shows like Teen Mom, I thought getting pregnant would be much easier. But to my surprise and disappointment, we had many months of negative pregnancy tests before we found out the good news! I will never forget the pain and ache that came with every negative pregnancy test. But I firmly believe our journey to becoming pregnant made me experience and cherish pregnancy even more than I could ever imagine.

a year

My pregnancy was out of this world amazing. Sure I was incredibly tired and felt like a giant blob at times, but I loved my belly. I loved the times I could feel Coop move. I loved seeing Justin’s face the first time he felt Coop kick. I loved everything about pregnancy. I felt horrible even complaining because I know so woman try many years and have losses- how could I complain when growing a baby is such a gift?!

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I think my positive attitude and appreciation paid off…because I had the best labor experience in the history of ever. I had an epic water breaking story, a wonderful coworker and friend to drive me home, and all of that lead up to a great experience at the hospital with Justin, family, great nurses, and my wonderful doctor all by my side. I got there with barely enough time to get an epidural – and our sweet baby boy was born within less than 4 hours of my water breaking.

I will never ever forget how I felt when I pushed him out into this world. I didn’t want a strong epidural – just enough to take off the edge. So I remember feeling when to push and I remember that feeling of pressure when he came bursting into this world.

I remember seeing Justin’s face after Coop was born. The pride on his face. The instant love we both felt. I remember he looking at me from across the room and telling me that our son was perfect. I couldn’t hold him at first because he was rushed over to NICU team to be evaluated. Justin actually held him before I could because I was shaking and crying so much. The emotions. The epidural. The whole experience consumed my entire being.

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I’ll always cherish the first time I held him.

The first time I nursed him.

The first time I kissed him.

The first time I heard him cry.

The first night home.

The first time I bottle fed him.

The first time we were left alone together.

The first time I saw him smile.

The first time I heard his laugh.

The first time I heard Justin sing to him.

The first time he slept in his own crib.

The first time he rolled over.

The first time he he recognized me when I picked him up from daycare.

The first time he took a bath sitting up.

The first time I dropped him off at daycare.

The first time I picked him up from daycare.

The first time he reached to pet bandit.

The first time he tried peas.

The first time he reached for me.

The first time he jumped wildly in his jumper.

The first time he slept through the night.

The first time he had the biggest blow out in the history of EVER.

The first time he sat up on his own.

The first time he started telling me stories and making me laugh with his wild faces and loud noises.

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There are so many first moments that I cherish and I love that I will have so many more firsts with him, God willing.

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I am so incredibly obsessed with my son and motherhood.

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My first Mother’s Day was incredible. I had cards delivered to me in bed. After a few tears and selfies, we had mimosas and a bacon buffet.

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Then we played arts and crafts while Coop molded his handprint. He was so excited that he couldn’t keep his hand still and grabbed through the mold. But the final mold is perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing.

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We had lunch with my mom and enjoyed a walk around the neighborhood as a family.

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As the day wraps up, I am counting my blessings and feeling overwhelmed with love. I have the most loving husband and son.

I am sending love and happiness to all the moms out there. The new moms. The old moms. The moms who’ve lost. The moms who’ve gained. The moms who have adopted. The moms in the making. And the women who are trying….To every single woman that loves a child unconditionally and to the core of her soul, Happy Mother’s Day. You are appreciated. You are valued. And you are amazing.

Much love,
Ashley

 

 

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