I’m writing you this letter incredibly late. In fact, you’re almost 9 months old! I have no excuse for my delay…other than (here comes my excuse) my days at work this past month have been long and exhausting.
And by the time I get home, the only thing I want to do is cherish those few hours we have together until bedtime.
All I want to do is play with you.
Hear you laugh.
See your smiles.
Listen to your stories.
And watch you grow.
So, instead of writing, we play.
We snuggle (and you love your Saturday morning “sleep in” snuggles with dad).
We snack (and you’ve finally mastered your sippy cup – water only for now)!
We play with puppy brother.
We laugh some more.
We make memories that will last us a lifetime.
Sometimes I feel rushed, especially if we don’t get home until 5:45 p.m. We jump right into dinner, playtime, cereal at 6:30, more playtime, bath time around 7 p.m., and bedtime stories and snuggles until bed (which is usually between 7:30 and 8:00 p.m.).
I think the hardest part about working is realizing that I only have about waking 2-3 hours with you each day.
But I know staying at home with you would have it’s own set of challenges. We are both just doing the best we can to live a happy and fulfilled life. I honestly take each day as it comes. When I jump ahead of myself, I find myself feeling discouraged and I question everything that I’m doing in life.
Last night, like most nights, I slowly tip-toed into your room.
Fearful that I may wake you, I stared at you from across the room. When you didn’t wake up at my presence, I crept toward the crib a little slower.
You looked so grown up.
As your little tiny chest moved up and down, I smiled and admired you.
I put my hand first on my heart and then over my mouth.
I was fearful that I’d let out one of those awful, loud cries. I tried my best to suck in the air and keep the crying howl to myself. I wasn’t crying for a sad reason.
Well, I suppose it’s a little sad.
You’re just growing so quickly, which is amazing. I know not all mothers get to experience these moments. I’ve had friends experience early loss of their child. And I could never, ever imagine their heartache and pain. But for that reason, I do my best to never complain and I love hard. Every single day.
But I keep searching for this pause button.
Your Great Grandma Kaye always taught me to appreciate time – especially time with the people you love the most. Even on the longest and hardest days, I never take you for granted. I try to spread joy, love, and happiness when I speak of you and reflect on our memories.
As I stood there looking at you sleeping so peacefully, I put my hand back on my heart.
I’m so proud of you.
I’m so in awe of you.
I’m so amazed by you.
I’m so in love with you.
I’m so inspired by you.
I’m so challenged by you.
I’m so consumed by you.
I walked out of your room, peeking one last night and said a prayer for you. Like I do every night. And I thanked God for you. My gift. My heart. My world.
Some days, I worry about your future. One day, you’ll be grown. In high school running around with your friends and (maybe) doing things no mother would approve of.
Then you’ll be off at college.
Or maybe you’ll join the workforce.
Or maybe you’ll join the Marines.
Or maybe you’ll join a band and do a world tour!
I suppose there is always the possibility that you’ll become a model – because YOU ARE extremely handsome and so incredibly photogenic.
I have no idea what your future holds, but I do know that at some point in my life – you won’t be living in our home.
You’ll be off in the world doing amazing work, sharing your kind heart, and inspiring the world to be happy.
Sometimes I get ahead of myself. Thankfully, I have your amazing daddy to remind me that I don’t need all of life’s answers. And I shouldn’t worry about something that hasn’t happened yet. Or worry at all.
I’m trying so incredibly hard to just be in the moment with you – even the hard ones when you don’t sleep. Or you fuss all afternoon because your teeth hurt (I would fuss too).
Over the past month, you’ve grown tremendously. I see you stretch your mind and curiosity to new places.
We’ve gone on new adventures and celebrated new holidays together.
Although, I know I shouldn’t have favorites – this has definitely been one of my most favorite months with you. Below are a few of our big memories and moments from this past month:
We started your first swim class!
You LOVE the water. And let me tell you, all the moms and the swim coach adored you. I can safely say you were the class clown – and LOVED all of the attention you got. Everyone was always laughing about your swim style. You don’t move your arms or even reach them forward. Instead, when I lay you flat toward the water – you just kick your feet like an excited and young dolphin, eager to explore the ocean and bask in the sunshine.
You started rolling ALL over the place.
I really can’t leave you unattended anymore. My attempt at keeping you in one place by wrapping the boppy around you (see above) doesn’t work out well.
You will roll or back-crawl ALL over the place. You still aren’t crawling all across the house yet, but I’m not too worried yet. You’ll learn in your own time. And I’ll be there to help you learn and coach you along the way!
You were featured in Buzzfeed!
Seriously, you’re a star! My friend and amazing blogger, Lara Parker, featured your happy face in her blog post: 19 Reasons You Should Be Excited to Get Out of Bed.
You celebrated your first Easter.
You loved opening your Easter basket and had a blast your first Easter Egg hunt!
You were so great in church as well! I’m so excited to start attending church somewhere in Fishers soon. I really want to get you baptized soon as well. So much excitement ahead.
You are eating new foods!
Of course, all dinners begin with playtime! You still have hard time eating fruits unless I mix it with oatmeal, but that doesn’t stop us from trying to give them to you. My theory is that you REALLY don’t like the bitter and tart flavors of Apples.
But when I gave you Apples and Pumpkin, you ate the whole jar. I can’t say I’m surprised that you’re a pumpkin lover. You get it honest.
I thought you were going to punch me in the face when I made you eat Apricots. Bananas are growing on you and you really love Raspberries and Pears.
And thankfully, you’ll eat ANY veggie that comes your way! Spinach and Potatoes is still your personal favorite. Sweet Potatoes and Summer Vegetable Melody are a close second.
We celebrated my First Mother’s Day together!
My day was absolutely perfect. You and your daddy spoiled me with a new Coach purse, a beautiful card that was sealed with slobber, craft time, and a bacon buffet! What a perfect day!
People are still debating if you look like me or you daddy. Personally, I think you’re a perfect blend!
But there is NO denying that you have my dramatic personality and your daddy’s competitive drive. You will sometimes get this look of extreme concentration, but you still manage to laugh at the right times.
You’re nothing short of amazing, my little love.
Keep growing, learning, and inspiring the world to BE HAPPY!