A Mini Collection of Side-Splitting Stories

Deck the LOLs

I sometimes wonder how people describe me to other people when they are telling a story about me. I can imagine them saying things like, “She’s really tall, has awesome bangs, and she’s the type of person that laughs for no reason.”

Or at least, that’s what I HOPE they say about me.

I do laugh easily and often. Honestly, I laugh every single day.

But I’ve had few times in my life when I’ve laughed so hard that I’ve cried. I spent most of my morning trying to reflect on these moments and memories from my laugh.

I thought about the time that I “jumped the tracks” in high school while driving my big blue van. And my dad asked if I “ran over a bear” because the bottom of the van was so tore up. I think my friend Katy and I laughed so hard we literally peed our pants.

big blue

There was another time in high school when we were traveling for a basketball tournament. I was a cheerleader, I know it’s kind of shocking. I’m a rather “thick” gal and I have the coordination of a drunken Irish Man. I actually never even “tried out” for the team or went to a cheer champ.

My best friend was a cheerleader and told me to come to practice one day. I went, made everyone laugh, and the coach told me I had “a lot of spirit.” She gave me a hug and said she’d love to have me on the squad, so I joined the team.

cheerleader

It was the first time I realized that I could truly do anything I EVER wanted in my life – if I just tried and believed in myself! Also, watching the MTV Show “MADE” had a lot of influence on me. I wanted to do something “brave” and be a part of something “unimaginable.” And  in high school, my unimaginable was being a cheerleader…

Anyway, this is supposed to be a funny post,  not an inspiring life lesson..

cheerleader 1

So we traveled to the basketball tournament, and I went to visit my friend’s hotel room. It was midday and I was just bored so I was planning on begging them to go workout with me.

The door was propped up so I walked in and sure enough, I saw my former middle school teacher (current assistant basketball coach) standing in the room wearing nothing but a white T-shirt and Sponge Bob Square Pants boxers. I FOUND THE WRONG ROOM!

I was mortified (and so was he), yet I couldn’t stop laughing. Every single time I saw him from then on, I sang the the theme song to “Sponge Bob Square Pants.”

I also have a TON of side-splitting memories from car hop and waitress days at Arnold’s Drive-In.

car hop

One time, a customer ordered hot tea. I wasn’t a huge tea drinker at the time, so I had no clue what to do.

The kitchen staff was slammed and my boss was on the phone, so I just decided to make the hot tea on my own.

I poured some of the fresh brewed ice tea into a cup and put it in the microwave for 25 seconds.

“If this isn’t hot tea, I don’t know what is…” I said, proud of my creativity.

You should have seen the customer’s face when I brought it to the table.

At first, he thought it was a joke…and then he couldn’t stop laughing. Then I started laughing. He ended up leaving me a $5 dollar tip, which was basically a way of saying “you’re the best waitress ever” in my book.

My boss will never let me live that one down.

There was another time when I was SUPER busy and had about 7 tables that needed something. I was LOSING my mind and I needed to take this table’s order ASAP. I went to the table, pulled out my “pen”, and said, “Alrighty – sorry for the wait! Are ya’ll ready to order?”

The look on the dad’s face made me realize something was wrong. And I realized instead of a pen – I had actually pulled out a TAMPON!

You really can’t come back from that one, but all I said was, “Well – I guess I can’t take your order with this!”

I lifted it up in the air, made a silly face like Harry from Dumb & Dumber (see exact face below), and then grabbed my REAL pen.

Harry1

Some of the best and funniest days of my life have been spent working at that place…and I’ll always cherish my time there.

lori

But what about recently? What has made me laugh SO hard that I nearly cried or peed my pants recently?

From my post yesterday, you know it’s been a pretty crazy year.

But one memory stands out.

One picture that makes me laugh SO hard I nearly cry or pee my pants every single time I see it and think of that moment.

Here you go, everyone (SORRY JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!):

justin

You see, I get ideas in my head and I RUN with them.

There is no stopping me when I am committed and ready to do something. My determination has allowed me to complete my first half marathon after crashing my bike into a guard rail a few days before the race. I finished that race with bruised ribs and open wounds all over my bound. So basically, I’m unstoppable.

unnamed

Anyway, someone shared a picture idea with me on Pinterest (similar to the above photo) and I knew long before I had Cooper that I would want to re-create this picture.

Of course, I didn’t share my master plan with Justin until AFTER I pushed out our beautiful baby.

How can he say no to a woman who just birthed his child?

He couldn’t.

He knew it.

And I knew it.

But the amazing thing is- even though this picture is probably slightly (read: extremely) embarrassing for Justin, he didn’t put up a fight.

He took off his shirt. Put on that robe. And plopped down on the bed, ready to pose.

I directed him and made sure that we captured the picture EXACTLY as I imagined in my own mind.

He supports all my wild ideas and crazy dreams.

He lets me be the true odd-ball and weird person that I secretly am!

SO thank you, Justin. For laughing with me each and every single day. For loving “my crazy” and following along with all of my “brilliant ideas!” You’re the best. And so is this picture.

Much love,

Ashley

2 thoughts on “A Mini Collection of Side-Splitting Stories

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