Racing Myself

As a chubby girl in gym class, I was never competitive about kickball.

I was always picked last.

I always finished the mile run – aka the worst day of elementary school – dead last.

Doing a pull-up was legitimately the hardest thing I ever tried doing when I was 7-years-old. HOW COULD THE OTHER KIDS DO THAT?

I always found a hiding spot under the bleachers when it was time for a group run during track practice.

The only time I started to see growth and progress in myself is when I stopped comparing myself to other people.

I stopped using someone else as my goal.

I stopped using their life, their body, or their pace as a vision for myself.

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” someone famous once said.

And last week, Rachel Hollis added, “Forward is a pace. You’re only in a race with yourself.”

During the last day, Rachel told us to, “OWN YOUR FUTURE.” We did a mediation activity to visualize our future selves. It was an incredibly powerful experience.

By the time I finished the mediation with her and 3,500 other women, I had tears streaming down my face. Happy tears. Tears of joy. Tears of pride. Tears of hope.

But, as Rachel also says, “Hope is not a strategy.” 

Damn, that’s good, right? YOU have to do the work.

On our worksheet for this day, Rachel writes, “Own your future. The intention for today is to create the road map that will take from where you are to where you want to go. Today, we’ll get fired up, inspired, and talk about the tactical ways you can pursue your version of more. Today, we dream big!

Choose one dream and go ALL in. The only way to completely own your future is to know where you want to go. So, let’s take this time to visualize who you want to be in 10 years. Write down as many things – no matter how crazy you think they are,”

This is what I wrote down:

“Write a best selling book that inspires both women and men to heal from the pains of their past. This book makes people laugh and cry.

I see myself traveling and speaking on stages all across the world.

I picture myself speaking in book stores and even meeting people one-on-one to help them heal from what broke them in the past.

I see myself surrounded by people who lift me up and I have let go of those people who hold me down. I am fit and strong.

I am doing triathlons again.

I complete a full IronMan and cross the finish line in time!

Cooper sits in the front row of my presentations and is crying with pride and admiration. I am showing him how to pave the way for a life of passion and service. He is writing his own story about the life he wants to see, write, and build.

 

Then, I wrote down the steps and “mile makers” it would take to achieve this goal. I wrote down everything it would take to live this life I imagined above. This is exactly what I wrote down. SFD = shitty first draft!

My goal is to have my shitty first draft for editing by July 31, 2019 (SO, KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE, FRIENDS)!!!!!

Some of you might be reading this and think, “I don’t have a big goal. I don’t have a big dream.”

And then we start to form those limiting beliefs – often with the word “enough” included.

“I am not old enough.”

“I am not young enough.”

“I am not strong enough.”

“I am not pretty enough.”

“I am not smart enough.”

“I do not have enough money.”

“I don’t have enough support.” 

My darling, you are enough right now – exactly as you are – reading this story of mine. You are ready. You are powerful. You are ENOUGH to do whatever you dream of achieving.

And your dream – well, that is YOUR dream. Maybe your dream is to be a more calm and confident mother. Maybe your dream is to be more present in life instead of staying distracted by your phone. Maybe your dream is to learn how to cook, learn a new language, or learn how to code.

You don’t have to dream BIG, you just have to dream for YOU!

DO NOT listen to other people when they try telling YOU who YOU are, honey. You know you are on the inside. You know who you want to become. Your scars made you who are you today. They are a reminder of what you fought through – and survived – to exist at this moment.

You want to know the secret to conquering fear? You go ALL in.

That voice inside your head saying you are not enough? Saying you aren’t ready? Saying will fail? You smash that voice into the ground. Name that inner mean voice and silence it. I named my inner mean voice, Jill. When she creeps up telling me I am not capable or ready or smart enough, I say, “Sit down, Jill. No one wants to hear your shit.” I would NEVER let someone talk to me in-person that way that my inner mean voice talks to me – it’s a practice to re-write the script and focus on positive self-talk!

So, write a new, supportive, and encouraging voice that is an empowering thought instead of a limiting belief.

Rejections or false starts in life shouldn’t stop you from chasing after this dream or vision of who you want to become. Your previous failure is not your life sentence – it’s your rocket fuel.

So, how will you start your rocket ship? Will you use your rocket fuel from the past OR sit in idle because you’re afraid to move? I say, you buckle up and get to work, my dear. Because I believe in you. And you are READY.

Much love,

Ashley