The Scars of Time

There was a certain day she disappeared 
I don’t know the exact day it happened
I don’t even know the exact moment 
I just know it started slowly 
Then all at once, this changed her 

There was no going back 
There was no do-over 
There was no clear answer 
The world had changed forever 
And her life was flipped upside down 

Jobs were lost 
And comfort was gone 
She grieved everything familiar 
She felt isolated and suffocated too 
Anxious thoughts swarmed her mind 
And the darkness pushed her far away 

We lost her
She got lost in the shuffle of mediocrity
She got lost in the noise of the world
She got lost in the chaos of disruption
And she got lost in the heartbreak of it all

She found a cozy home in hostility  
A comfortable driveway of doom 
A familiar sliding door of despair 
A cozy patio of panic 
A heated furnace of fear 

I yelled for her
I cried for her
I hoped for her
I longed for her
Where did she go?

Slowly, I found her 
In the stillness of a slow-moving day
In the quiet of an empty house 
In the warmth of her child’s smile
In the joy of a screen-less conversation 

Maybe she wasn’t really lost 
Perhaps she was just afraid 
She was waiting for hope 
She was waiting for the wounds to heal 
She was waiting to reveal the scars of time

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One evening, I laid in my bed and wrote this poem. I felt inspired to write about how I felt about 2020, and life leading up to that point. I wrote from the vantage point of someone watching me stumble through all of the emotions, fears, and frustrations.

Perhaps you’ll relate to the emotions in this piece. Perhaps you’ll know someone who can relate to the feelings I described. Perhaps you feel nothing at all and didn’t make it this far into my writing. However you felt – I want to leave you with this thought: your feelings are valid.

What you felt mattered.

What you overcame mattered.

What you grieved mattered.

That scar matters.

I love you. And you are not alone in your wounds and scars. I promise, my friend.

With love,

Ashley